I have always loved working with people, connecting, leading and motivating them on their way to achieve their own and their team’s goals. Starting my professional life as a management and business consultant for corporate clients, I soon found project management and process improvement to be the ideal space for me. However, 20 years and many successful projects later, I felt that my own most important “project” – my life and my family – had somewhat suffered.
I was so busy juggling the demands of being a wife and mother of two energetic young boys, looking after the household as well as working free-lance through my own businesses… constantly running against time, permanently giving 150% and hardly ever truly replenishing my own batteries took its toll. Not in an obvious manner, though - it was actually quite subtle and hardly perceivable from the outside, and even I didn’t realise that I was quite exhausted from spinning this well-known “hamster wheel”.
I just never seemed to have enough time for myself, and on top of that the children felt demanding, there was a lot of bickering and headbutting going on between them. Probably not more than in most of the families around us, but it was tiring. Consequently, being at home with them in the afternoons and weekends felt stressful, I felt I couldn’t get anything done as they couldn’t seem to play together peacefully or to entertain themselves. The boys were like two magnets that attracted each other, then turned themselves to their opposite poles. So I started organising activities and playdates with friends to keep them busy and entertained (and out of each other’s hair) – and give myself a break, enjoying catching up with other mums.
On weekends my husband and I often took turns: one of us went to enjoy their hobby (horse riding, windsurfing, etc.) and the other would look after the children. All four of us together at home was becoming less and less relaxed, due to the children’s increasing level of disharmony.
Was this how we wanted to live our lives? Running along, busy and distracted without realising why (mainly to avoid any drama that would bubble up if we stopped), time just rushing past? What was missing? Why could the kids not be best friends, our family not live in harmony, happily ever after?
Well, we found out. It had a lot more to do with us as individuals, partners and parents and a lot less with the boys than we had ever imagined. Our eyes opened during more than nine months we spent dedicated to a coaching sabbatical in Denmark (Europe), with world-renowned coach Klaus Ferdinand Hempfling. We had to truly get to know ourselves, face the not-so-flattering parts inside us, find ways to overcome our inner “dragons”. We had to strengthen our character, become present, aware and mindful, observe and often change the way we communicate verbally and non-verbally. Firmly decide to do what’s right, rather than what comes easy. Learn about living with purpose, and finding it. We had to drop justifying, complaining, and judging and instead take full responsibility for our thoughts and actions. We had to learn how to lead authentically, to be an example and an empathic guide rather than to exert pressure from the top down (but also definitely not going down the laisser-faire route).
It was an absolutely life-changing journey which I talk about in detail in my soon to be published book “How we healed our family”.
The result is that our family now truly lives in harmony and peace. That our two boys have become best buddies, playing together independently, while we parents live our lives and do what needs to be done. That we now live in a place that we feel truly inspired by. It’s what I have always dreamed of. I would like to share this experience and journey with you.
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