What parents need to know about different types of screentime

Dearest parents,

From ongoing screentime related research, my recent seminars and many chats with frustrated parents, I realise that screentime is one of the top challenges most parents have to deal with – and it seems to only be growing with their children’s ages.

I have identified a need for more education of parents, not necessarily only about how to better manage screentime, but how to teach kids “digital literacy”: We want them to develop the skills to navigate the online world safely, to recognise and deal with screen related stress, to critically discern what's presented to them, to enhance their self-control, to learn time management and increase their ability (and willingness) to stick to agreements.

In general, a more controls-based approach is needed for children of a younger age to avoid (or at least greatly reduce) the risk of exposure to age-inappropriate content. As they move through primary school, our guidance ideally becomes more discussion and mutual agreement based. We want to offer choice within limits to our children and teach them that freedom comes with responsibility. This aims to set them up with the skills, knowledge and discern to be much safer online when they turn into teenagers and our influence gradually (or quickly) reduces.

In this new blog series, I will share pragmatic, tried and tested tools and tips with you to help you along this journey.

Screentime ain’t screentime

Many parents seem to be unaware that not all screentime is equal. Could reading a book or graphic novel online ever be an issue? Does listening to music on Spotify have anything to do with screentime? Is there a difference between watching a movie online and playing a video game? Yes - to all of the above. Not only in terms of the level of interaction with the screen, but also in terms of the effects this has on our children’s bodies and brains.

With mobile devices, it’s not always easy to know what your child is actually doing behind that screen, especially if they wear headphones. Are they reading or watching videos? (You CAN spot quite easily when they’re gaming, though). And does it even matter? Let’s have a quick look at some of the differences…

Note: I will not include social media in this blog as this is a whole large topic in itself and applies more to high school students.

Reading books or graphic novels online

Reading books and comics online opens up a huge variety of interesting reads to your children, more than your local library could ever stack onto their shelves. And, as most things online, all this choice is available to them right there, right now, while they’re sitting on the couch. It is a great opportunity to foster their love of reading. However, the choice can be overwhelming for some kids, and they spend more time searching for a book than reading one. This is because they can’t slowly walk along library shelves, scanning the backs of books, pulling out this interesting sounding or looking title or another.

Naturally, online books also lack the tactile component of a paper-based book when reading, especially for younger children. Snuggling up on the couch/ bed and reading a traditional book (ideally together) satisfies a child’s need for warmth, connection, comfort and feeling safe, even if they're older. But I still think online reading is fine, as long as it doesn’t become excessive nor eliminate reading paper-based books from the children’s activities.

The blue light emitted from the screen and the strain on the eyes are the same as for other forms of screentime, but of course it is a calm activity that requires little interaction (apart from choosing the book).

I suggest ensuring that content offered can be filtered to be age appropriate, and that ideally no advertisement is placed on the pages of the online library.

Note: For all types of screentime, optometrists recommend that children give their eyes a break every 20-30 minutes, looking out of the window and focusing on something in the distance for 1 minute. Do not let them look at a screen 1h or less before bedtime to avoid interference with their ability to fall asleep, even with a blue light filter on the device.

Listening to music on Spotify (or similar)

Why would listening to music be considered screentime? It’s not if your child sets up a playlist and listens to that without returning to the screen much. This is not what most kids do though. They start browsing for a song, among the millions of titles, artists and albums on offer. As they listen to the music, they follow the lyrics on the screen or watch the music reel/ video or start looking for the next song. It’s endless. If they use something like YouTube Music, the ads and music videos will keep them on the screen even more.

It makes me think of how easy the choice of music was back in my youth with my limited number of cassette tapes and records, and later CDs! You’d just choose and then relax and listen.

My suggestion is to choose and pay for one premium service so at least you minimise exposure to ads. Then agree on any limits you’d like to set for your children, if you think it’s necessary, like setting up a playlist and then putting the device to the side.

Watching TV and movies on demand

Watching TV or movies on demand is a rather passive activity, and can be relaxing for the brain, depending on what they’re watching (unless they’re constantly zapping). The content is fairly orchestrated, and can be easily filtered to suit the child’s age. I still recommend keeping the kids’ bedrooms free of TVs and mobile devices.

Some children (and adults) develop a habit of mindless snacking in front of TV because no interaction is required once the movie or show starts. My suggestion is only healthy snacks in front of TV (my boys love frozen fruit pieces I buy from the supermarket) or taking a break from the show and snack (consciously) then. This is something to talk about with your kids. You can also help them by keeping your pantry lean and healthy.

Watching YouTube

Watching YouTube usually entails a higher level of involvement. The choice is more overwhelming for children than videos on demand. Most content is user created, unstructured, keyword-based and hard to filter or restrict. Unless you pay for Premium, at least 2 ads precede every video. The app-internal algorithm constantly suggests other exciting videos based on what your child is watching, so “just one short video about…” very quickly turns into many videos about all sorts of random topics. All this increases the risk of your child (accidentally or not) seeing something they shouldn’t.

In our house, we watch movies together as a family quite often. We usually make short breaks to discuss the story, specific scenes or characters during the film and always reflect on it afterwards. We use YouTube only for educational or skills-related videos (“How to…”) now. Our children can, however, choose to watch YouTube as part of their regular screentime, as long as they stick to the agreed content criteria (but usually they choose to play videogames instead).

Playing videogames

This is a different ball game to all of the above. Gaming is highly interactive and engaging, often very fast paced and can be quite realistic and complex. The kids love it, and they get amazingly good at it! Just watching my boys play makes my brain swirl and my eyes hurt sometimes.

Playing videogames has a higher impact on a physical and mental level than other types of screentime:

On the one hand, playing videogames (even non-violent ones) is perceived as stress in children’s brains, releasing the stress hormone cortisol into their system. That means it doesn’t count as quality “chill out time” at all. If the body’s natural way of getting back into balance directly after a stressful situation (e.g. by running away, other physical activity or seeking the comfort of talking or a hug) is not available - because the child is sedentary, continuing to play video games – the hormone stays in the system a lot longer. This can result in the child becoming jittery, anxious, nervous, aggressive, annoyed or moody and over time it can also lead to sleep issues. With no guidance from parents, this can be the start of a vicious cycle.

On the other hand, the immediate and numerous rewards for every successful move the child makes in the game, lead to a small release of the “feel-good” hormone dopamine. That’s one reason why videogames are so unbelievably attractive: They make children feel like winners. If they’re not successful, they just switch to another level or a different game, where they are. No other activity in the “real world” will feel as rewarding for as little effort as video games. The drawback of this is that the pleasure centre of the brain can get used to the increased level of these “happy hormones” and requires more and more to feel the same level of satisfaction. Again, with no parental guidance, this can keep the vicious cycle going.

Depending on the sophistication of the game, your child’s every click and move might be analysed and used by algorithms that will either influence what happens next or release special offers or rewards – to keep your child interested, playing and ideally spending money. These algorithms are more and more based on neuroscience. How could your child (or anyone) resist?

There is a lot more to be said about gaming, but I think you get the gist about how screentime differs depending on how the kids are interacting with that screen.

Don’t leave your children to their own devices (literally)

Despite my critical viewpoint in this blog post, I am not against screentime or playing videogames. Screens are part of our children’s lives, and they’re here to stay.

I advocate that we parents get involved to help our kids navigate the digital world safely and support them developing healthier screentime habits.

This starts with learning more about screentime (which you’re doing right now!) because we have no reference, we didn’t grow up with this. And it also begins with not making our children feel bad about feeling attracted to screens: Our brains are naturally wired to fall for the rewards and the excitement. Just think about (or check the stats) how often we look at our phones! Despite knowing better, and despite our adult brains already having finished developing executive functions like impulse control.

We mustn’t leave our kids alone when it comes to screentime or mobile devices. They need our empathic guidance, clear rules and mutual agreements to prepare them for what’s being thrown at them.

Congratulations for your interest in becoming a better parent! I will share more insights on how to move from control and conflict with our children to agreement and self-control when it comes to playing videogames in the next posts in this blog series.

Thank you for having read this far, I hope the information helps you be better prepared, more understanding and a clearer guide for your children.

I’d love for you to get in touch with me to share your feedback and comments, or if you’d like some help on the way to help your kids develop healthy screentime habits.

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Till next time!

Much love

Anke