Hey there parents,
If you have a child or teenager with their own (or your) phone, you will know hard it can be to get them off it. Or you might’ve experienced this yourself: you were JUST going to check this ONE little thing on Insta or Facebook for 2min… only to find yourself 45min later, after clicking and scrolling through all sorts of interesting things and connections (and often not even having checked that one little thing). How does this happen?
It's by design. Addictive app design leverages two pulleys of natural human behaviour plus the neurotransmitter dopamine to create strong habits in us users, which are hard to break. Nir Eyal wrote a whole book about it (“Hooked: How to build habit forming products”), which I highly recommend. If you’re a bit time poor though, I’ll give you a quick rundown.
How our kids (and us) get hooked to our phones or certain apps:
“Bing!” It starts with an external trigger, that takes the user off their current path/activity. For example, a notification on your teen’s phone during homework, or a link to another website while they’re researching a school project.
“Oooh, I wonder…?!” In anticipation of something pleasurable or rewarding to happen, the curious brain emits a little bit of dopamine, which makes us feel good. We click on the notification - exactly the action the designer wanted us to take.
“How interesting!” Or: “What the…!?” We never know what we’re going to see (next to the initial notification): connections, news, links, videos, pictures – algorithms create a variable reward! This means it’s sometimes exciting and relevant, sometimes not, sometimes even a bit extreme or shocking. Sometimes we receive a Like or a comment, sometimes not. This messes with our brain and creates a hunting frenzy for the next reward (a dopamine surge!), which in turn creates more wanting and desire! We keep clicking, scrolling and interacting, without even realising it.
“Choose your preferences…” Now the platform wants something from us, that we’re happy to invest while on a dopamine high: our time, money, effort or data about us. Think setting up a profile, choosing preferences, connecting with friends/networks/interest groups, posting content, building/buying virtual assets (badges, collections, “skins”, in-game money).
Over a couple of rounds, this information makes our experience of the app more valuable, as well as the trigger for the next round more engaging, easier to follow, the expected reward more attractive (= more dopamine = feeling great!).
Once we’ve cycled through the hook enough times, we build a habit. The unconscious thought of a possible reward releases dopamine and creates a craving to open the phone or a certain app. E.g. “I wonder if anyone has reacted to my post/picture?” à open Instagram. Or “I’m bored” à open Facebook. The trigger has now become internal. You’re hooked!
Being honest with yourself, have you ever experienced this? It’s exactly what the Big Tech companies strive for: maximising our time on the screens. There is no signal for our brains to stop. They do this by using “sticky design”: bottomless feeds, autoplay videos, one-touch responses, algorithms that propose endless “exciting” content and novelty to keep our eyeballs glued to the app. It’s the age of the “attention economy”.
So, it’s no good blaming our kids for being stuck on their screens, when in fact they CAN’T resist – it’s designed that way. Children’s and teens’ brains haven’t developed the skills yet, to get back on track, to resist temptation, to stay focused. These are called “executive functions” and develop last (I’ll explain this in another post). And even we adults, whose brains are fully developed, get hooked all too easily.
The number one learning is this: Become aware of the hook mechanism, observe yourself and your screen habits. Your children copy you, no matter what you tell or teach them. It’s your function as a role model that is way more important than anything you could ever say. Be brave, be honest, start with yourself.
There are so many things you can also do, to better manage screentime within the family. Some risk management related ones are listed in my Digital Footprint and Top 5 online data risks posts, but I’ll add more concerning screentime over the next weeks!
I hope this information is helpful on your way to more awareness around tech use in your family. Please contact me with any feedback or questions, I’d love to help!
Till next time!
Much love,
Anke x
Pictures by: Top: Zen Chung. Bottom: Cottonbro
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